Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
