He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
