did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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