is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
