Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
