you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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