cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize