i love accidental penises.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
