I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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