a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
