When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
