between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
