While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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