i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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