I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
