just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
