Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
