I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I need a beard to bite.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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