Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The air was thick with penises
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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