I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
