What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
