im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He? As in you personified your dick?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
