I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
