last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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