like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
