we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize