i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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