Your dad touched me again.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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