dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
