i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
