I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize