Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
