i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
