I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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