At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My bed smells like the plague
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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