: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
