I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
