At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
