he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
