Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
