I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
