I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
