My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
