Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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