My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
