an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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