That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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