Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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