i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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