He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
