Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
