I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
