I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
