Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
