just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
