Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
bring money and cleavage
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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