Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
