She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
