i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
