mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
