sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
