god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize