Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
