She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
