Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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