My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
