I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
