Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
