Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
