Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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