You can't special order awesome
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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