Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
