I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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