U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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