remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
