we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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