We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
