I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
