I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
