They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
