Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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