he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
