hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
