i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
