she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize