I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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