Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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