what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
