its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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