I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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