you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
